The Weight of a Pallbearer (Poetic Adaptation)
In “Weight of a Pallbearer,” a young Black boy faces a 25-to-life sentence after a coerced act that unintentionally ends in his brother’s death. The narrative moves from the present-tense immediacy of courtroom finality back through memory, pressure, survival, and tragedy, laying out how a single moment can collapse into incarceration. It foregrounds the brutal reality of youth criminalization: children funneled into irreversible consequences while the system demands judgment before their stories are heard.
By Jaydan Rivera
Aug 4, 2025
This transcript is a republication of an independently authored live performance, preserved in full. It contains strong language in order to maintain the authenticity of the original work. The views expressed are those of the creator.
You are receiving a call from an inmate in the Allenwood, United States federal penitentiary
To accept the charges, press 9.
My mother declined the charges.
The Cuffs on my wrist are undone, the Chains on my body no longer, and now I am back in the very same
courtroom where I was sentenced.
The gavel reversed from the sound block
“25 to life,” “my life ends at 25
Then the Order in the court played in reverse
Court the in order
A phrase that plagued my mind a million times
It was then that I was reminded of my crime
homicide
And now I am asked to recant my story
It begins May 18th.
///
Momma, ima go play basketball
I’ll be home early don’t worry
I know I got school tomorrow
Im just hooping with my friends from around the way
My mother asked me to bring my little brother
And I said nah, ma, not today
That’s when I linked my friends
And yes, admittedly, they were hoodrats but we grew up together
Brothers, I would put my trust in
But it was that very same trusting that got me here today, your honor.
Before we start to dribble a ball, my homies start to spark a J
I’ve never been much of a smoker, honest
But that peer pressure kinda got a way of making you do things
Cause I just didn’t want to be seen as afraid
Cause your honor, my homies were affiliated
They were always by the trap house
We didn’t even start hooping yet, and we started to get fanned out
Shit, I was a little high, but everything seemed like it was planned out
That’s when they asked me to pull up with them to the spot, and everything started to make sense
now
///
So we knock on the door like
(Knock noises)
That’s when the big big homie came out
He was laughing, cracking jokes with a spliff in his mouth
That’s when He invited us in
Look, Honest, I’ve never really been one for the pharmaceutical field, but I had a strange feeling
that we wasn’t leaving in the same condition that he met us in
I was a little nervous, everyone in there was toting hammers like they were builders
But I know none of those people got anything but gangster lives
///
That’s when they rolled up again
This time it was a new strain, it hits a little differently, so I’m beginning to think that I got laced
I was the one in the rotation, so im getting extra high
I take a puff – My Eyes rolled back
I woke up, Im still dead inside
I got passed the steel
“You scared?”
Out of control of my body, I respond with
nah I ain’t scared I’m more hood than a golden grill
“Bet”
///
We walk outside. Got in the whip
He tapped on the driver’s shoulder, told him to take a hard right
“We bout to run on up this woman her kid, so you know that it’s on sight”
I told him that Im not tryna hurt any women or children
And he told me to shut up and that this is real life
He grabbed the grip and put it next to my chin
The cold steel pressed against my warm skin
That’s when he told me that it was me or them
///
We pull up slowly
It’s 10 pm
So it’s dark outside,
They push me out the whip
Now I follow the woman, her little man. Got his hood on real tight
I yell out
“Aye, stop moving, put your hands up, don’t turn around.”
“Make this easy for all of us, drop the bread and don’t make a sound.”
I see the little man starting to turn as if he heard a familiar sound
My finger slipped, I blinked barrel flashed
I let off a round, I try to turn and run
While the mother was screaming, holding onto her son
Im panicking
Im frozen in place like a mannequin
My finger is burning cause I held it wrong
My throat is burning cause I inhaled it wrong
Im running and stumbling in the streets, not in control of my body
///
10:48 pm
I get home
I yell out for my mom, but she doesn’t respond like she usually does
It’s quiet in the crib
So I check around and I don’t see my ma dukes or my little dude
I look down at my phone
I see missed calls from family, too
Im confused
Sit down and go turn on the news
My auntie was calling me, so I picked up the phone
“Yeah, I’m sitting down.”
“ Nah, I’m not doing anything, just watching TV.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY GOT MUGGED?”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE GOT SHOT?”
I asked her what he was wearing and before she got to finish her statement
I cut her off and asked if it was a hoodie that blue
All she could do was ask me how I knew
My brother’s blood on my hands
Your honor
SO YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WOULD DO
///
I got up from the stand and turned to the jury
I demand that they answer
Do you know what it’s like to hold the weight of a casket on your shoulder while the other has the resting head of your mother?
I turn to the prosecutor and demand that they request the highest sentencing
ORDER IN THE COURT
ORDER IN THE COURT
ORDER IN THE COURT
A phrase that won’t stop replaying in my mind
Security rushes the stand as I’m yelling
Screaming and apologizing to my mother
One son is dead, the other dead to the system
Gavel bangs one last time
“In the case of Jaydan vs U.S.A., I hereby sentence the defendant to 25 to life.”
“Bang.”
The Weight of a Pallbearer (Poetic Adaptation)
In “Weight of a Pallbearer,” a young Black boy faces a 25-to-life sentence after a coerced act that unintentionally ends in his brother’s death. The narrative moves from the present-tense immediacy of courtroom finality back through memory, pressure, survival, and tragedy, laying out how a single moment can collapse into incarceration. It foregrounds the brutal reality of youth criminalization: children funneled into irreversible consequences while the system demands judgment before their stories are heard.
By Jaydan Rivera
Aug 4, 2025
This transcript is a republication of an independently authored live performance, preserved in full. It contains strong language in order to maintain the authenticity of the original work. The views expressed are those of the creator.
You are receiving a call from an inmate in the Allenwood, United States federal penitentiary
To accept the charges, press 9.
My mother declined the charges.
The Cuffs on my wrist are undone, the Chains on my body no longer, and now I am back in the very same
courtroom where I was sentenced.
The gavel reversed from the sound block
“25 to life,” “my life ends at 25
Then the Order in the court played in reverse
Court the in order
A phrase that plagued my mind a million times
It was then that I was reminded of my crime
homicide
And now I am asked to recant my story
It begins May 18th.
///
Momma, ima go play basketball
I’ll be home early don’t worry
I know I got school tomorrow
Im just hooping with my friends from around the way
My mother asked me to bring my little brother
And I said nah, ma, not today
That’s when I linked my friends
And yes, admittedly, they were hoodrats but we grew up together
Brothers, I would put my trust in
But it was that very same trusting that got me here today, your honor.
Before we start to dribble a ball, my homies start to spark a J
I’ve never been much of a smoker, honest
But that peer pressure kinda got a way of making you do things
Cause I just didn’t want to be seen as afraid
Cause your honor, my homies were affiliated
They were always by the trap house
We didn’t even start hooping yet, and we started to get fanned out
Shit, I was a little high, but everything seemed like it was planned out
That’s when they asked me to pull up with them to the spot, and everything started to make sense
now
///
So we knock on the door like
(Knock noises)
That’s when the big big homie came out
He was laughing, cracking jokes with a spliff in his mouth
That’s when He invited us in
Look, Honest, I’ve never really been one for the pharmaceutical field, but I had a strange feeling
that we wasn’t leaving in the same condition that he met us in
I was a little nervous, everyone in there was toting hammers like they were builders
But I know none of those people got anything but gangster lives
///
That’s when they rolled up again
This time it was a new strain, it hits a little differently, so I’m beginning to think that I got laced
I was the one in the rotation, so im getting extra high
I take a puff – My Eyes rolled back
I woke up, Im still dead inside
I got passed the steel
“You scared?”
Out of control of my body, I respond with
nah I ain’t scared I’m more hood than a golden grill
“Bet”
///
We walk outside. Got in the whip
He tapped on the driver’s shoulder, told him to take a hard right
“We bout to run on up this woman her kid, so you know that it’s on sight”
I told him that Im not tryna hurt any women or children
And he told me to shut up and that this is real life
He grabbed the grip and put it next to my chin
The cold steel pressed against my warm skin
That’s when he told me that it was me or them
///
We pull up slowly
It’s 10 pm
So it’s dark outside,
They push me out the whip
Now I follow the woman, her little man. Got his hood on real tight
I yell out
“Aye, stop moving, put your hands up, don’t turn around.”
“Make this easy for all of us, drop the bread and don’t make a sound.”
I see the little man starting to turn as if he heard a familiar sound
My finger slipped, I blinked barrel flashed
I let off a round, I try to turn and run
While the mother was screaming, holding onto her son
Im panicking
Im frozen in place like a mannequin
My finger is burning cause I held it wrong
My throat is burning cause I inhaled it wrong
Im running and stumbling in the streets, not in control of my body
///
10:48 pm
I get home
I yell out for my mom, but she doesn’t respond like she usually does
It’s quiet in the crib
So I check around and I don’t see my ma dukes or my little dude
I look down at my phone
I see missed calls from family, too
Im confused
Sit down and go turn on the news
My auntie was calling me, so I picked up the phone
“Yeah, I’m sitting down.”
“ Nah, I’m not doing anything, just watching TV.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY GOT MUGGED?”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE GOT SHOT?”
I asked her what he was wearing and before she got to finish her statement
I cut her off and asked if it was a hoodie that blue
All she could do was ask me how I knew
My brother’s blood on my hands
Your honor
SO YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU WOULD DO
///
I got up from the stand and turned to the jury
I demand that they answer
Do you know what it’s like to hold the weight of a casket on your shoulder while the other has the resting head of your mother?
I turn to the prosecutor and demand that they request the highest sentencing
ORDER IN THE COURT
ORDER IN THE COURT
ORDER IN THE COURT
A phrase that won’t stop replaying in my mind
Security rushes the stand as I’m yelling
Screaming and apologizing to my mother
One son is dead, the other dead to the system
Gavel bangs one last time
“In the case of Jaydan vs U.S.A., I hereby sentence the defendant to 25 to life.”
“Bang.”